Thursday, May 24, 2012

Graduation, Anxiety, Weight Gain, and the Start of New Things

Thanks for bearing with my infrequent posts this month. Graduation and the last few weeks of college took me away from my computer for longer periods of time than I had anticipated. Between the anxiety of leaving my friends and home, the fantastic activities that Boston University planned for seniors, and the great weather, I've been too drained to cook, work out, or even think about food.

I officially graduated from college on May 20th, 2012. I was finished moving out of my apartment in Boston at 11:30 am on May 21st, and I was back home to my parents' house in New Jersey by 10:00 pm the same day.

Driving home from Boston was a bit surreal. I think it was the idea that my whole life could be packed into boxes that all fit into the back of my mother's minivan. Or the idea that a piece of paper with the word "Diploma" on it was a symbol to the world of the work I had achieved over the past four years. I'm excited for everything that this paper means, (Yay, career!),  but admittedly a bit nervous.

I've never had to leave a place that I've identified as "Home" before and not know when I'll be back. I've grown up in the same house, and even when I went away to school, my parents' house in NJ was always somewhere I belonged if I chose to.

I think this whole concept of leaving this "home" and never coming back is at the core of the anxiety I've been experiencing. And it's not just the physicality of my Boston apartment, it's the fact that I'm leaving my friends, my support base, and my familiar neighborhood. I know how to get around Boston. I cannot say that about New York or the Jersey suburbs where I've been apartment hunting. I've been overwhelmed, and (as a coping mechanism) I've been eating more indulgently, drinking more than I normally do, and avoiding the scale.

Today, thanks to a smack of a realization from my scale, marks the end of this moping -- and unhealthy lifestyle. Yes, college was fantastic, but it's not like I'll never see Boston again. I will see my friends and make many new ones. Boston was an adventure. New York will be one, as well. I will not wallow in my fear for a moment longer. Thus, I have officially recommitted myself to my healthy lifestyle and weight loss journey. We all stumble, the real test is how we pick ourselves back up, again.

One more thing. Even though I've graduated, I intend to keep "College" in the title of this blog. Not only have my memories and time at Boston University made a profound impact on my life, but it's damn catchy, too!

Thanks for giving me this self-reflective moment. Personal Pumpkin Pie recipe will be up this evening!

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