Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Foods That Smell Good, But Would Make Bad Perfumes

For those who haven’t caught on yet, I am a girl. Shocking, I know. This means, that over the past 21 years of my life, I have owned approximately 300 bottles of body lotion, body spray, body butter, body salve, butter bath salts, bubble bath, bath gel, shower gel, and perfume. Most of those are “food” scented: raspberry, strawberry, cucumber melon, cherry blossom/fig, cotton candy, vanilla – Ladies, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

Recently, I made a quip to my parents about wearing Eau de Bacon to my religious sister’s upcoming nuptials.  My mom cracked up; my father was less amused – but we shouldn’t fault him. He didn’t get the Brussels Sprouts pregnancy joke, either. 

This got me thinking, though. Why exactly have girls been “taught” that smelling like food is a good thing? I mean, we wear the aforementioned lotions and potions to attract a mate, no? Long story short, I’ve decided to compile a list of the top 10 foods that smell delicious, but would make AWFUL perfumes.

10) Cinnamon Rolls – I’ve actually owned Cinnabon lip balm. It was delicious, but I was also 10 at the time.

9) Coffee – For only the die-hard Starbucks fans.

8) Freshly baked bread – Great idea for scented candles, not perfume.

7) Anything Alcoholic –I don’t think anyone needs to advertise they’re a cheap drunk.

6) Pizza – I’m just waiting for Papa John’s to roll out their beauty line.

5) Popcorn – Subliminal messaging to a potential date that there’s a Friday movie you’d like to see?

4) Lasagna (Or any Italian dish) -- Snooki's favorite?

3) Pot Roast -- Tastes great, wouldn’t want to wear it.

2) Sautéed Garlic and Onions – I don’t think this needs an explanation.

1) BACON – Even as a Jew, I think it smells great. Taco Bell makes a good argument in the commercial below, though!

Well, Foodies, what do you think of my picks? Anything to add to my list?


  1. I love it. In addition to your bread one, makes a great candle but not a great perfume... mashed potatoes. I get judged a lot for loving this candle, but it made my house smell buttery and delicious and i wish it wasn't discontinued. But as comforting as it was for my house to smell like mashed potatoes, I'm pretty sure I'd seem even more like a fatass if it came in perfume.

    I do have a brownie perfume which is great. Who doesn't want to smell like chocolate all day? =P

  2. I think bread makes the best perfume. But then again I am baking crazed.

  3. Ahhh Brownie Perfume would be amazing. I guess we could do worse than bread. There is something comforting about it.

  4. What about Brussel Sprout Perfume? is that a no? I totally agree with all of these. This was very entertaining. I am loving the blog!

  5. The blonde looks very familiar in the Taco Bell commercial. Good blog, Stephanie. I find nothing wrong with food scented perfume. I am relly not much of a perfume lovin' guy anyway. HINT: don't spend the money. I am shocked that wifey likes the Justin Bieber perfume.

  6. The most baffling thing I have seen in the cosmetics world was a grapefruit-flavored face powder. There were many, many things quite bizarre about this product, but let me just say that I think grapefruit is the least sexy fragrance imaginable. It just conjures up images of senior citizen diet breakfasts for me.

    My fiance is a wonderful man, but he bought grapefruit-scented dish detergent, and his detergent choice is his least sexy characteristic. Fortunately, Fiance is open to replacing grapefruit-scented dish detergent with a dish washer, so this marriage can be saved.

    1. Haha! I'm glad to hear your fiance is so easily reformed! May all your future marriage problems be so easily solved -- and congratulations on your engagement!

    2. Amen to that!