For those who haven’t caught on yet, I am a girl. Shocking, I know. This means, that over the past 21 years of my life, I have owned approximately 300 bottles of body lotion, body spray, body butter, body salve, butter bath salts, bubble bath, bath gel, shower gel, and perfume. Most of those are “food” scented: raspberry, strawberry, cucumber melon, cherry blossom/fig, cotton candy, vanilla – Ladies, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
Recently, I made a quip to my parents about wearing Eau de Bacon to my religious sister’s upcoming nuptials. My mom cracked up; my father was less amused – but we shouldn’t fault him. He didn’t get the Brussels Sprouts pregnancy joke, either.
This got me thinking, though. Why exactly have girls been “taught” that smelling like food is a good thing? I mean, we wear the aforementioned lotions and potions to attract a mate, no? Long story short, I’ve decided to compile a list of the top 10 foods that smell delicious, but would make AWFUL perfumes.
10) Cinnamon Rolls – I’ve actually owned Cinnabon lip balm. It was delicious, but I was also 10 at the time.
9) Coffee – For only the die-hard Starbucks fans.
8) Freshly baked bread – Great idea for scented candles, not perfume.
7) Anything Alcoholic –I don’t think anyone needs to advertise they’re a cheap drunk.
6) Pizza – I’m just waiting for Papa John’s to roll out their beauty line.
5) Popcorn – Subliminal messaging to a potential date that there’s a Friday movie you’d like to see?
4) Lasagna (Or any Italian dish) -- Snooki's favorite?
3) Pot Roast -- Tastes great, wouldn’t want to wear it.
2) Sautéed Garlic and Onions – I don’t think this needs an explanation.
1) BACON – Even as a Jew, I think it smells great. Taco Bell makes a good argument in the commercial below, though!
Well, Foodies, what do you think of my picks? Anything to add to my list?