Monday, March 12, 2012

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Last week's issue of Parade was pizza themed. One of the articles inside featured the following pizza-eating personality chart:
  • The Folder: You're a multitasker who is always on the go, and you believe in eating to live rather than living to eat. Food just isn't a top priority for you.
  • The Pizza Surgeon: You are a bit of a martyr -- you don't mind suffering first if it means enjoying a treat later. This is why you carefully cur away the edges of the crust and scrape off the cheese, which you then savor last.
  • The Hands-on Eater: You consume pizza the traditional way: with your hands, cheese side up. You're non-judgmental, you always go with the flow, and you enjoy taking life slowly.
  • The Knife-and-Fork Holder: You like order and organization, keep your emotions in check and scrupulously clean, and tend to focus on one task at a time. 
I think this list is pretty lacking, though -- I mean, what if you eat your pizza backwards? And the article doesn't even touch what your toppings preferences say about you?

I decided to add to Parade's list:
  • Crust-discarder: You are a minimalist who pares life to the essentials: You've already gotten the taste of pizza, you don't need anymore.
  • Backwards-eater: You exemplify America's subculture underbelly that goes against the grain. You, hipster, you!
  • The Glutton: By taking two pieces, and "double fisting", you display your enthusiasm when eating.  Careful, this can also be perceived as greed.
  • The Calzoner: As someone who takes two pieces, and then stacks them cheese side together, you illustrate that you are not only flexible, but have a deep appreciation for other cultures.
Toppings Choices:
  • Pineapple: You're a natural leader who's not afraid to take charge and try something new. Or you're really hankering for that island vacation. Take your pick.
  • Multiple Veggies: You may be one to get swept up in culture trends and fads. By adding veggies, you think you're making the pizza healthier, but in reality, it's still pizza.
  • Multiple Meats: You have animalistic urges and tendencies. Not the best companion in a zombie apocalypse. 
  • Everything Imaginable: You want it all. By trying to appease all your different taste buds, you run the risk of muddling flavors. 


  1. Pizza is my downfall... if I read about it, makes me hungry. Funny.

  2. Just putting it out there, I personally enjoy as much meat as possible on my pizza. Please shout out if you want to join my zombie survival team!

  3. I discovered a way to customize my pizza while I save money. I take a slice of frozen elio's, cut up fresh vegetables such as red peppers, broccoli, onions or mushrooms, sprinkle cheddar or mozzarella cheese, throw on some basil and bake. Delicious, and much cheaper than buying it from a pizza shop.